The Gods Blacklist: When the Divine Go Rogue
Ah, the Gods’ Blacklist the juiciest, most scandalous of all scandals! You want to talk about the gods’ personal drama, their petty feuds, and who’s been really naughty on Mount Olympus? Oh, dear mortal, buckle up, because Rumplestiltskin is about to spill the divine tea.
So, let’s get something straight. The gods? They’re not all sunshine and divine intervention. They’ve got their little black book—the list of mortals and immortals who’ve seriously crossed the line. And let me tell you, there’s some juicy stuff in there. If you think your workplace drama is intense, just wait until you hear about the gods.
First up, let’s talk about poor Odysseus. The guy’s got star potential, right? He’s a clever, brave king who fought in the Trojan War, and guess what? The gods don’t like competition. He wasn’t part of the original “let’s make the Trojans fall” plan, and after the war, he made some godly enemies. Poseidon, the sea god? Hated him. The dude was basically on Poseidon’s version of a “do not call” list after he blinded the Cyclops, who, by the way, was Poseidon’s son. Rookie move, Odysseus!
Now, while Odysseus is wandering for decades (because of course the gods love a good, never-ending quest), you’ve got all these other stories of gods smiting mortals, just because they felt like it. Take poor Niobe, for example. She was that one woman who was so obsessed with having more kids than the goddess Leto, she went around boasting. And you know what happens when you boast about beating gods? Leto’s kids—Apollo and Artemis—took that personally. They killed all of Niobe’s children in revenge. Moral of the story: don’t make divine parenting a competition.
Then there’s the tragic tale of King Midas. He got a wish from the god Dionysus, asking for anything he wanted. Midas, being the greedy soul he was, asked for the golden touch—everything he touched would turn to gold. Sounds fab, right? Wrong. He couldn’t even eat without turning food to solid gold. His daughter, too? Well, he turned her to gold as well. Can’t say I didn’t warn him—he was the type to write himself straight onto the Gods’ Blacklist with that one.
And let’s not forget the original blacklist member—Prometheus. Now, this Titan wasn’t just a rebel; he literally stole fire from the gods and gave it to humanity. A serious no-no in the godly handbook. Zeus, of course, was having none of it and ordered Prometheus to be chained to a rock, where an eagle would feast on his liver daily—talk about divine overkill, but hey, gods have their ways.
And then, there’s the notorious, temperamental, and oh-so-vindictive Hera. The queen of the gods had a seriously long list of gripes with mortals, especially those who had the gall to get too cozy with her husband, Zeus. She had no patience for anyone who tried to steal his attention, and her punishments were legendary. Think jealousy on a cosmic scale. Let’s just say if Hera had an Instagram, every mortal would be blocked.
➡ The Takeaway
The Gods’ Blacklist isn’t just about who’s been naughty; it’s about who dared to cross the line with the powerful, vengeful deities that rule everything from storms to love affairs. Be warned, mortals! Even the gods can be petty, and their revenge? Well, it’s divine.
Stick around, my lovely little troublemakers, because I, Rumplestiltskin, will continue to tell you the stories the gods don’t want you to know. The Immortal Gazette—it’s where the real mythological gossip is found.
