Jörmungandr: The Original Oversized Noodle of Doom
Ah, Jörmungandr, the Norse World Serpent—a creature so massive it wraps around the Earth and bites its own tail. Sounds impressive, right? Until you realize this giant snake is basically the poster child for unresolved family drama and a severe lack of hobbies.
Let’s start at the beginning: Jörmungandr is the middle child of Loki (yes, our favorite chaos machine) and Angrboda, a giantess with an impressive resume of birthing apocalyptic monsters. After being born, Jörmungandr got tossed into the sea by Odin because, apparently, Norse gods were big on "out of sight, out of mind" parenting techniques.
Instead of wallowing in abandonment issues, Jörmungandr grew—and grew, and grew—until it became so enormous it could encircle Midgard (Earth). Did it use this immense size and power to, I don’t know, establish underwater dominion or maybe just chill? Nope. It just floated there, stewing in saltwater and resentment, waiting for its big moment: Ragnarok.
When it wasn’t busy being the planet's most dangerous belt, Jörmungandr had one arch-nemesis: Thor, the hammer-wielding himbo of Asgard. Their encounters were the stuff of Norse legend—and a testament to the stupidity of picking fights with a snake the size of a continent. My favorite? That time Thor tried to fish it up from the ocean, only for the serpent to scare the living daylights out of everyone involved. Spoiler: the snake got away, probably flipping Thor the proverbial bird on its way back to the depths.
But the real showstopper comes during Ragnarok. Jörmungandr rises from the sea, spewing poison everywhere like an angry firehose. It finally gets to face off against Thor in the ultimate grudge match. And yes, Thor kills the snake—but not before getting a lethal dose of venom himself. Talk about a mutual KO.
And then? Nothing. Jörmungandr’s entire existence boils down to waiting centuries to kill one guy. No epic conquests, no great speeches, just a lot of floating, waiting, and one poisonous death rattle.
➡ The Takeaway
Jörmungandr: the Norse equivalent of a ticking time bomb with scales. Its story is a lesson in wasted potential and holding onto grudges for way too long. Maybe if Odin had sprung for some therapy instead of chucking it into the ocean, we could’ve avoided all that Ragnarok mess.
Up next in the Immortal Gazette: Hel, the ruler of the dead who’s way more interesting than her siblings combined. Stick around!
