The Legend of Zeus. The big boss of Mount Olympus | 4EverMore | Immortal Gazette
Oh-ho, Zeus! The big boss of Mount Olympus. The one everyone pretends to look up to because he's got a throne and a lightning bolt. But, honey, let me tell you, Zeus is the embodiment of the phrase “daddy issues”.
Seriously, if his life were a Netflix show, it’d be called “Zeus and His Whirlwind Affairs”. Now, listen, we all know Zeus loves his lightning bolt like a toddler loves a toy, but you’d think with all that power, he’d at least, you know, do something with it.
I mean, okay, sure, he created storms and all that, but did he ever just chill out and do something other than throw petty tantrums at mortals? Not to mention, this guy cannot keep his pants on. Every time he looks at a woman, he thinks, “Hey, let me transform into an animal, or maybe, you know, disguise myself as something else to trick them into sleeping with me." Real charming. Just the kind of guy you want to invite to a dinner party, right?
Let’s go over his relationship history, shall we? First of all, his wife, Hera, is not amused by his constant cheating. I mean, honestly, how do you expect to maintain a marriage when every other week you're turning into a swan to seduce someone or pretending to be a mortal? It’s embarrassing, Zeus. Really. And let’s talk about his daughters, shall we? Athena, Artemis, and Aphrodite? Those girls were probably praying every day that their dad would stop messing things up. Zeus just seems like a walking, talking disaster of bad decisions and poor impulse control. So, what does he do when someone doesn’t listen to him? Smite them. Classic Zeus.
And I haven’t even mentioned his favorite hobby: stealing other gods’ thunder. Yeah, literally. Whenever someone else does something impressive, Zeus is there with his trusty lightning bolt, "Oh no, no, I’ll handle that." Like, buddy, you need to chill. Sure, you’re the big shot, but you’re also the guy who can’t keep track of which woman he’s married to at any given moment.
But here’s the real kicker: he’s supposed to be the king of the gods, but what does he actually do? He’s the god of the sky, but all he does is sit up there in his ivory tower, having affairs, and throwing a fit every time things don’t go his way. And don’t even get me started on his love life—I’ve already said enough about his horrible decisions there. All I’m saying is that Zeus needs a hobby. Maybe a new relationship with some therapy on the side. Or a trinket that says, “I’m the King, but I’ll stop pretending to be a golden shower just to get your attention”. That would be progress.
But wait—don’t you worry, we’re not done yet! Hades is coming up next, and trust me, if you thought Zeus was a mess, you’re going to love this next one. Stick around!
