Hansel and Gretel: Rumpelstiltskin’s Take on That Gingerbread Disaster
↪ Fractured Fairy Tale
Oh, Hansel and Gretel, the original "trouble-magnet" siblings turned DayWalkers. Can we take a moment to appreciate the irony? Once the stars of a tale about survival and sweets, now they’re out here hunting vampires in 4EverMore like they’re the heroes of some epic saga. But don’t worry, I’m here to set the record straight. And yes, I’m coming for that candy-crusted witch too.
Let’s start with the basics, shall we?
The "Legend" as They Tell It:
Hansel and Gretel were just two innocent kids abandoned in the woods by their totally responsible (not!) parents. Lost, starving, and probably a little annoyed with each other, they stumbled upon The Gingerbread House. Oh, yes, this architectural masterpiece made entirely of candy—a diabetic’s worst nightmare and a child’s ultimate dream.
And who’s waiting for them inside? A “sweet” old lady who’s just oh-so-happy to welcome them in. Except, spoiler alert: she’s a witch. And not the cool, sophisticated kind you’d find among the Witches of Westbrook. No, no, this hag is full-blown cackling, wart-ridden nightmare fuel. She fattens Hansel up for the oven and puts Gretel to work like a sugar-fueled Cinderella.
But here’s the twist: these two kids are clever. Gretel outsmarts the witch, shoves her into her own oven, and poof—no more hag. The siblings escape, richer than before, and go on to live happily ever after. Or so the story goes.
➡ My Version:
First of all, let’s address the witch. Seriously, lady? You’re living in a house made of candy in the middle of the woods. Did you really think that wouldn’t attract someone? You might as well have put up a neon sign that said, “Free Treats and Poor Judgment Here!”
And what’s with the cooking-kids-for-dinner bit? Talk about overcomplicating things. You’ve got magical powers and a house that can literally regenerate its walls. Why not use that magic for, oh, I don’t know, summoning groceries? No, instead, she opts for a labor-intensive, Hansel-and-Gretel-themed dinner party. Genius.
Now Let’s Talk About These DayWalkers:
Hansel and Gretel, you two crack me up. You’ve gone from being candy-stealing survivors to vampire-hunting DayWalkers, as if the world of 4EverMore wasn’t dramatic enough already.
Hansel’s out here flexing his DayWalker powers like he’s some supernatural action star. “Look at me, I can bench-press a vampire!” And Gretel? Oh, she’s all business, sharpening stakes and reading grimoires like she’s in the middle of a Buffy reboot. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve come a long way since your days of pushing witches into ovens, but let’s not forget where you started, huh?
Also, the fact that your powers make you immune to sunlight? Convenient. What’s next, Hansel? You’re going to tell me you’ve got a magical candy stash that refills itself?
➡ The Real Story:
So here’s the truth, as only Rumpelstiltskin can tell it. The witch wasn’t some lone lunatic baking kids for sport. No, she was in league with the NightStalkers, a pawn in their twisted game. That candy house? A lure to attract human children for the vampires to feast on. Yeah, I said it—she wasn’t even the real villain, just another cog in their bloodthirsty machine.
Hansel and Gretel didn’t just stumble onto her doorstep by chance. They were chosen—marked by destiny to become DayWalkers, the guardians of light in the endless battle against NightStalkers. Shoving that witch into the oven wasn’t just a desperate act of survival; it was the first step in their new, immortal lives.
My Takeaway (Because I Always Get the Last Word):
Look, Hansel and Gretel, you’re doing fine out there, saving 4EverMore one vampire at a time. But let’s not pretend you’re the ultimate heroes. You’re scrappy, I’ll give you that, but you’re still the kids who got duped by a house made of sugar.
And to the witch? Wherever you ended up—probably a very hot place—let me just say this: you messed up. Big time. You had magic, a sweet real-estate deal, and an endless buffet of candy. You could’ve lived the dream. But no, you just had to mess with the wrong kids.
Stay sweet, Hansel and Gretel. And next time you’re out there hunting NightStalkers, remember: just because you’re DayWalkers doesn’t mean you’re untouchable. Watch your backs... and your sugar intake.
➡ The Takeaway
So there you have it, folks—Rumpelstiltskin spinning tales and taking shots like only he can, juggling sarcasm and "truths" like a jester at a royal court. But don’t get too comfortable with his version of events, because guess what? Gretel is about to chime in with her side of the story. And let’s just say, I have a hunch she’s got a few bones to pick with me.
Brace yourselves, people—her version is coming. Stay tuned!
Gretel Claps Back
(Warning Fractured Fairy Tale Incoming...)
Oh, for the love of DayWalker pride, here we go. I’m Gretel—yes, that Gretel—and I’ve had just about enough of Rumpelstiltskin flapping his sharp little tongue about things he doesn’t fully understand. Sit down, grab a cup of moon-blessed tea, and let me set the record straight.
Let’s rewind to that so-called witch who had a sweet tooth for us. Hansel and I weren’t just a pair of helpless kids wandering around the woods like lost lambs. No, we were DayWalkers in training—young, sure, but capable. That gingerbread trap of hers? Please. It wasn’t a house; it was a feeding ground for her twisted experiments. She wasn’t just luring in kids to fatten them up; she was trying to turn them into some kind of vampiric dessert buffet.
Hansel and I were sent there on a mission, though we didn’t know it at first. The woods had been overrun by NightStalkers, their malevolent shadows curling around the trees like a sickness. We stumbled onto her lair thinking it was a safe haven. Big mistake. The moment we stepped inside, it was clear something was off. The air was thick with spells—her version of a DayWalker trap.
She tried to separate us first, locking Hansel up in that cage and feeding him scraps. She underestimated him, though. Even as a kid, he was strong, clever, and more stubborn than a mule with a grudge. While she was busy gloating over her "fattening-up" plan, I was working on breaking his cage. She didn’t see me for the threat I was. Typical.
And when she tried to shove me into that infernal oven? Oh, honey, no. I let her think she had the upper hand, played the scared little girl to perfection. Then, just as she leaned in to stoke the flames, I unleashed a DayWalker’s strength and shoved her right in. The blaze roared, her screams echoed, and we didn’t look back.
But here’s the part Rumpel left out: That wasn’t just any witch. She was a NightStalker ally, using her magic to bolster their ranks. By defeating her, we not only saved ourselves but also broke the spell she’d cast over the forest. The NightStalkers scattered, their grip on the land weakened.
So yeah, we might have been kids, but we were warriors even then. DayWalkers don’t back down, and we don’t let some cackling witch—or some snarky imp—define our story.
➡ The Real Takeaway
Witches, NightStalkers, or even mouthy little mischief-makers like Rumpelstiltskin can spin all the tales they want, but the truth is simple: We fight. We survive. We protect. And if you come for us, you better make sure someone is stashing an urn just waiting for your ashes after you burn.
Let that be a lesson, in case anyone else is thinking of trying their luck.
➡ ➡ The Takeaway of Takeaways
If you haven’t noticed yet, DayWalker women are some of the fiercest, most kick-your-ass beauties to ever grace this eternal realm. They don’t just survive—they conquer, with a glare that could melt mountains and strength that makes even NightStalkers think twice. And let me tell you, the DayWalker men and Guardians? Oh, we absolutely love it and stand by their side with pride!
So, a word to the wise: If you’re thinking of crossing paths with a DayWalker woman, pack a lot more than courage—you’re gonna need it.
A Fractured Fairytale Brought to You by 4EverMore and Bloodthorn Publishing And
The Immortal Gazette
These aren't your typical modern day fairytale stories. Our fractured fairy tale stories are created and Brought to you by The World of 4EverMore and Bloodthorn Publishing, where stories, tales and myths are reimagined, rewritten, and broken into pieces, we offer you a world where magic isn’t always pretty and endings aren’t always sweet.
